Raspal's Journalism & Writing Blog

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There have been significant changes these past few months with regards to university funding from the Government. The new Government headed by the coalition has introduced drastic and rapid strategies in an attempt to reduce the economic deficit the country is facing. The changes were fundamentally rapid – all that the previous Government stood for was being dismantled and replaced by a Tory led Government that were keen and enthusiastic to introduce changes now in order to turn around the ailing economy that had been affected by the banking crisis and the previous Government’s mishandling of it, this was their argument. As though it was Labour’s mess that they were cleaning up and not the bankers who had lost billions on the roulette table. First on the list, as it were, was the reduction of public sector jobs within the health service – nurses, social workers, care assistants, the non-essential staff had to be forcibly removed and deployed elsewhere, again the argument was for the reduction of the deficit. The unions pandered to their members annoyance at the impeding news that job security which once had been guaranteed was no more. The previous Government’s tolerance for protestation, increases in wages for public sector workers had been resolved through negotiation between unions and officials. This was new, alien territory and there would be no compromise or change of direction from this new Government. Indeed, Government departments or quangos as they are affectionately called were also not immune to the wrath of the new policy – the fully fledged, life-long employees of the UK Film Council were lined up and executed, the creative community were alarmed. Then cuts in Arts Council funding were next on the agenda with some smaller arts communities disbanding altogether, the areas becoming ghost towns with the occasional tumble-weed where once thousands of arts enthusiasts had congregated in rabid anticipation of a performance. The art galleries remain closed and boarded-up, once they housed effigies of long forgotten, dead iconic rock stars, portraits of so-called community cohesiveness were according to previous officials a distraction for those misled youth who may have pledged their allegiance to local crime gangs, if it were not for these projects. Now all that remains are graffiti sprayed buildings which attest to some creative spark. Next on the coalitions diary was the introduction of severe cuts to education funding. Teachers protested, their banners lovingly created out of material acquired from the colleges art department. The mantra of “What do we want? When do we want it ?” blaring through a loudspeaker attached to a rather enthusiastic designated leader of the union whose revolutionary jacket discriminatingly speckled with numerous badges, a seasoned veteran of the conflict. His or her minions proudly pronouncing them as a gallant soldier of the socialist revolution. They had conveniently forgotten that it was the Labour party who had introduced tuition fees as part of their policies to tax education. Their indiscretion forgiven.

Meanwhile, in Whitehall, the Government remained calm as though Gandhi was leading the protests. But soon, as the the final decision by the coalition gathered speed – the mobs would fire their hippy leaders and resort to militant action – looting, pillaging and burning all that represented the establishment. Poor Churchill’s statue had been used as a urinal by an inebriated student whose imploding bladder had taken control of his senses. One decadent hippy child, whose sexuality by the Daily Mail was in question had been swinging as though he was Tarzan on a union jack, it was no surprise that he was promptly arrested and executed in front of a firing squad, despite his pleas of remorse. He claimed it was stupid and that he was overtaken by a demonic spirit that had taken control of his being and forcibly prompted him to swing and shout “Ahhh Uaaaa”. The judges were not having any of it. He was as custom would have it, fined with an exorbitant amount, being a son of a pop star particularly in these sticky situations can be quite a blessing in disguise, had it been anyone else – they would have inevitably languished in a cockroach and mouse infested Victorian prison, tortured daily by electrocution applied to the testicles by rather eager, sadomasochistic Ex-RAB prison guards. The demonstrations were touted as being non-aggressive, organised by concerned lefty students whose parents may or may not have been ex-hippy student leaders back in the 1970s, “Make love, not cuts, man” as one banner proudly stated. There were foreign tourists – eagerly snapping away at surrounding, pigeon defecated architecture unawares or not concerned about what was happening in their midst.

Some are legitimate protests, others are drug and drink-fuelled and indeed anger sodden affairs. This militant behaviour and volatile anger may have, presumably been honed and encouraged in community rehabilitation projects and five star youth detention centres which allowed the party-crashers to infiltrate the so-called peaceful protests for their own hatred towards the Government. In essence, it could be seen as a desperate crowds attempts to cause as much destruction as possible in order to force the despots, I mean Government to change their policies. There was also the anger and resentment of easily misled Lib-Dem supporters who believed the rhetoric of their demi-gods, suddenly becoming surprised and astounded by the turnaround in policy decisions once their affectionate leaders had been elected and proudly took their place in secondment to the Tories. The abolishment of tuition fees becoming a highly unlikely prospect now or in the distant future – the document presumably, shelved and gathering dust in the coalition attic somewhere, where one day it may be found by curious aliens – once humanity has become completely extinct by the H1N1 virus.

These are testing times for the Tory High Command who are becoming increasingly unpopular as the dreaded cuts spread infecting the less privileged. The culmination of these protests resulting in the anarchic destruction of Charles and Camilla’s car – desecrated by unruly vandals – fully-armed with an assortment of pink spray cans, the damage unrepairable. The future king and queen left fearing for their aristocratic lives, scared to even venture out to purchase a loaf of bread – unless they are accompanied by armed S019 guards, who have a licence to kill policy. We live in dark times.

The protests continue, orchestrated by spectacle-wearing social media geeks whose reactionary stance is discredited by politicians, teenage angst and allegations of police brutality are the usual missiles hurled at the press in these trying times.